I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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