Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
