I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
