My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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