The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
