i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I will pee on everything he values.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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