I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
