So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
