so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
