just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
