Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize