I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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