Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
