Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
