420 ftw
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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