So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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