..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
