that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
