well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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