I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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