I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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