Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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