I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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