Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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