hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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