Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
