He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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