i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
