the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
