Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
