I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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