Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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