Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
