so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
