Tell her she can't have a vagina
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
