smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize