i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Randomize
