i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
