drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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