Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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