she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
