one might say we're banned from that church
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
there is glitter all over my balls
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
