im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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