We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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