he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
