You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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