Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
