I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
