mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When are your genitals available?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
