Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
