I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
