Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
