So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
