Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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