Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
