Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
