I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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