i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
