Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
