every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
