Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's never too late to be topless.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
