she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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