i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
