this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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