my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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