I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
