Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
