I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im holly from the hills drunk
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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