So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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