the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I want to fling myself into the sun
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